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The Hollow

October 12, 2011

Dazey and drunk like I’ve taken a pill,

I’m looking for reason, solace is sought.

Memories can numb and leave someone ill.

 

My soul begs renewal, some kind of thrill,

But my interests wane, feelings distraught,

Dazey and drunk like I’ve taken a pill.

 

Silence is precious, but lately there’s nil.

There’s peace of mind one wishes could be bought,

Memories can numb and leave someone ill.

 

A cardinal comes to perch on my sill.

His song has meaning revealed to me naught.

Dazey and drunk like I’ve taken a pill.

 

I wait for the day my hollow will fill.

There’s a lurking emptiness which I’ve fought.

Memories can numb and leave someone ill.

 

Crisp autumn air fills my lungs full, but still,

There is no way to shift my racing thought.

Dazey and drunk like I’ve taken a pill,

Memories can numb and leave someone ill.

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One Comment
  1. Steve Mendoza (Miroku731) permalink

    *EXTENDED PEER CRITIQUE*

    (Start you off with a quote from my favorite book for…variety’s sake:

    “I have to find the heart of every subject as fast as I can,
    pin it down on the page,
    and then cut it wide open for the audience to see.”

    -Georgia Mason from “FEED”)

    Now for the actual critique:

    I really enjoy the work very much. A narrative tone (which is really o.k in my book) and the subject is gracefully about horses. That makes these blog posts a whole lot more fun to read as it shifted me back to my childhood (I’ll explain a bit later).
    By reading this, I really dont think I would have some chance of surviving even a horse ride. I’m not scared, it’s just that probably…kind of a bit difficult than riding a bike.
    (O.k….going a bit off track). I really like the way you explain of the area of a horse stable, and my favorite part of it was the way you shift from your thoughts to the horses’. It was a very accurate guess of how the horse would think; instead of the horse just feeling pain by himself, it’s good to have the thoughts of the horse inside you.
    The style is mostly regarding a story (which is the emphasis of writing a blog in the first place I know), and I would see this blog (and the rest of the blog posts) as a script for a LifeTime Hallmark special.

    And no, I’m not joking.

    Its peaceful, with no errors from what I have seen and I have scanned like a dozen times while listening to some Queensryche randomly (hey, it popped up on my mp3 player while I was reading it). I truly believe that is has the potential to go far.

    The childhood part about it: There’s the question ‘what book does this blog remind me of’.

    This blog (this particular one in particular) reminds me of a book I read when I was around 8 years old. It was called, “Rent A Third Grader”. It bascially tells the story of a group of third graders (really??) that save a retired police horse named Partner who they all love. But the horse is headed to a factory because he is sick and is going to be transformed into (gulp) pet food!
    So the third grade class decides to get odd jobs to raise money and help pay for Partner’s care.

    I remember that there was a rodeo scene at the end and the kids had to tie up the most pigs (or something)…but I honestly do not remember. Overall it was a good book.

    The writing is bascially (like I would call it) “a coming of age for a horse adventure.” No conflict (nothing bad or confusing about it), and nothing in particular that I would find odd about it.

    Most of the time it did make me cry.

    My last object:

    -You should really make a script.
    -Not much action, but apparently better style
    -Thoughts of reaction of the horse and yourself
    -Best blogs I’ve read and it does make me smile a whole lot
    -The poetry was awesome. It made me feel really expressive.
    -The blogs were in all aspect really nice

    It’s a yes in my book.

    Rating : 4.5 out of 5 stars.

    – Steve Mendoza

    (I had to move the Peer Critique here, because it was on the wrong spot before.

    Me sorry)

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